I spend serious money on my socks. They have to be comfy. Not tight around my shins or under my knees. If they are, my back will hurt. No thick seams on the toes or I get blisters. All natural fibers or I get sweaty. They must come high enough above my ankle to not be seen if I cross my legs and my pants ride up, and they must feel like I have nothing on my feet. I love my socks. I do not want to lose them.

Twice a week, I do laundry. I carry my basket full of socks, underwear, shirts, jeans, sweatpants, leggings, pajamas and towels that stands in my bedroom down to our laundry room. I sort all the grubby stuff I’ve worn or used into baskets for warm wash darks and lights, lingerie and cold wash darks and lights. 

Dark laundry goes into the washer first, then the dryer. Clean and dry, it’s time to fold. Big stuff first. Socks last — usually all black socks. I pair them up, and there is almost always one sock missing. I shake a few of the towels. Static electricity may have cleaved the rascally sock to a Turkish towel. Nope. 

Now, my socks do not leave my house any way but on my feet. They go from my feet to laundry basket to washer and dryer and folding. No stops in between. They don’t fall out of my basket on the stairs. I check. They don’t slide under or between the washer or dryer. There’s no room.

There is a patron saint for almost anything. I know this because my mother called upon a number of them for assistance over her lifetime. St. Anthony of Padua was her go-to guy when she lost something, usually her car keys or a picture of a family member who had been dead for half a century. When he did not answer her pleas, she went for the heavy artillery, St. Jude, patron saint of lost causes, desperate cases and impossible situations. There is no patron saint for socks — for feet and shoes, but not socks. I consider praying to my mother’s main men. Couldn’t hurt? Or I could simply give in and believe I have entered The Twilight Zone “…another dimension. A dimension of not only sight and sound, but of mind…” and lost socks.