Recently I had the pleasure of traveling with my daughter, which meant going through TSA in a number of airports. My picture ID had my date of birth, and of course, I was delighted when the agent looked up and said with a smile, ​“Wow, you don’t look your age. You can keep your shoes on.” This hit a psychic snag when the full body scanner picked up something, and I needed a pat down, and the next agent shouted out, ​“It’s okay, send the little old lady through.” Ouch!

I have always tried to be open minded about my age. I am just about to turn eighty. Getting to the number is a privilege, and it is also uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, because, puff! At eighty, you are pretty much invisible to most people. Note: the mirror affirms that I am still standing.

My interest in aging started many, many years ago, as a thirty something, when I read an interview in the Village Voice with Jean Moreau. The reporter asked why she hadn’t had a facelift, and she simply replied, ​“I’ve worked hard for these lines, I am not going to erase them.” I thought that was cool. Around the same time, my sister Debby’s friends were throwing her a surprise 50th birthday party. Unbeknownst to them, she was fifty-three and had been lying about her age. I said nothing to her friends and kept the surprise from my sister. But when she walked into the restaurant where the party was held, she flew over to me and whispered in my ear, ​“Keep your mouth shut.” My reply was, ​“How old was I supposed to be?”

As my hair turned gray and my full height shrunk and I started wearing elastic waistbands, I looked for examples of women’s aging behavior. My mother was somewhat shameless in her dotage. She said exactly what she was thinking and often should have thought twice before saying anything. I wasn’t going to go there. Many women, like Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Jessica Tandy were inspiring as they continued to work. Tandy, at the age of eighty, won an Academy Award for playing the aging Daisy in Driving Miss Daisy, a character who grew empathically as she grew older. As of now, my all-time favorite aging muse is Dame Maggie Smith as the Dowager Countess, Violet, in ​“Downton Abbey.” Her wisdom and wit have given me a road map for safe and successful engagement. Her conversations speak volumes while winking at you. Her wisdom and wit have given me a road map for play and laughter that keeps me on my shoed toes. 

Violet: ​“The presence of strangers is our only guarantee of good behavior.”

Isobel: ​“You take everything as a compliment.”
Violet: ​“I advise you to do the same, it saves many an awkward moment.”

Violet: ​“I don’t dislike him. I just don’t like him, which is quite different.”

Violet: ​“Every woman goes down the aisle with half the story hidden.”

Cora: ​“I take that as a compliment.”
Violet: ​“I must have said it wrong.”

Violet: ​“Vulgarity is no substitute for wit.”

Cora: ​“I think Granny’s right.”
Violet: ​“Can somebody write that down?”