Before I get down on my hands and knees and start rolling around in the mucky leaves not yet raked into our garden beds, in order to see my garden through the eyes of the little gray garden gnome we have, named Ron after Geoff’s uncle, I must ask, “Why do I want to do this?”
First, my friend Rochelle suggested I get eye-to-eye with the grass and all the critters living there and in the dirt in which our mostly crab-grass back lawn takes root. Okay. She’s my friend. I love her. She’s smart. I’ve learned a lot from her over the long years of our friendship. But I was not born with the David Attenborough gene. I wear gloves, a long-sleeved shirt and a hat and tuck my pants into my socks to avoid disease-carrying creepy crawlies. There is not enough protective clothing in the world to keep me comfortable butting noses with a caterpillar, tick, worm, ant, cricket or slug.
Second, burdened as we are with worry about the fate of our nation, many people are turning to nature for solace, strolling and sitting among and writing about birds, bugs, berries, bees, botany of all sorts. Should I decide to sit or lay down next to Ron the Gnome and check out the wildness and beauty all around us, I would be on trend. A first for me. Wouldn’t that be nice. Yes, but, should one spider crawl up my shirt, I would be scratching for a month. Should I plop down in a pile of the overnight deer poop we clean up regularly, I’d have to toss out my clothes, take at least three showers and test for Lyme Disease.
Third, gnomes are hardworking little fellows. They have been slaving to ward off evil spirits, protect all things growing and guard treasure since Rome ruled the world. It was the Germans who first mass-produced gnomes in the 1800s. That could explain the pointy hats and lederhosen. But it wasn’t until garden gnomes migrated to England that they started popping up in gardens pretty much everywhere on the planet.
I am thankful for Ron the Gnome and all the garden gnomes I have had in the past for standing guard over me and my third of an acre. I smile every time I see a new grumpy, scary or happy gnome at our local nursery and think about adding another smiling, bearded, elfish statuette to my back garden security detail. Right now, I feel like I need all the protection I can get. So, okay maybe it’s time to get down in the dirt and give our Ron a big thank you.